Most times I forget. Not because I was certain at some point but more because I have never truly known. Tossed between what has been passed down from generations of my ancestors to what my generation has adopted and been goaded by what my mind and body whispers. You will agree that there are too many definitions.
There have been times when I have attempted to pick up all these pieces that are tagged me, bring them to a blender, and make a paste. Something I can describe without stutters whenever I am asked: who are you? Other times, I am prompted to make this discovery for the times when I need to speak my identity for my hearing.
For every time I tried, I was left with things that can't be mixed, too contrary to be held together. I am left in dilemma such as these;
Am I just who the scriptures describe but what about my struggles to attain that man.
Am I who my environment screams or the man my dreams make.
What about the man my grandfather swears I am and the man my parent insist they are training.
Does my identity steers from all this knowledge or my actions. Is it a futuristic term, I mean a term used to describe tomorrow. If it is at what point do I claim tomorrow as today.
The answer to this question doesn't hold a sole claim to the lace that tugs at my heart consistently, oftentimes I am plagued with if the answer remains constant or if I have to keep defining myself as the years spill into decades and more. This is the quagmire of thoughts.
